Quello primo, quello mio

He said, Youre late.

I know.

The park was empty that Sunday afternoon. There were benches that lined the perimeter of the imprisoned sandbox.
He sat on one. I, on another. I wasn’t sure whether he wanted me to sit beside him.

The seesaw was still, one of its end jutting out straight up like a sinking ship.

The swings, its chains noticeably rusty even from where we were, slightly shivered.

He said, Its always empty.

This park? I asked.

Yeah. Me and my friends come here a lot, though.

Do you have good friends? I asked.

Yeah, he answered.

He asked, Do you like YOUR friends?

I said, I guess. I don’t really have much time to hang out with them.

Oh.
He said, That must really suck.

I smiled.

I said, Yeah. It really sucks.

╔

He asked, Do you like comics?

I do.

Really? He smiled. Which one’s your favorite?

Xmen, I said. Hands down.


No way! He exclaimed. I like the Zany Zapster better.

What? I exclaimed in disbelief. You can’t possibly like him over the XMen!

I don’t like their costumes! He said, They look dorky.

Okay then, I agreed. Don’t worry, I’ll bring some next time. You’ll see. You just gotta read some of their cooler stories. There’s one when they all fight Apocalypse and then Angel becomes his servant, and oh! The Phoenix Saga and the – What?

Nothing, he said.

You were looking at me funny, I said.

No, he replied.


You’re not like other grown-ups are you? he said, more than asked.

You can tell? I snickered.

Right off the bat, he said.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I wanted to know.

Good, he smiled. Definitely good.

I smiled back.


╗

You know, he said, I have this dream about you.

Have? I asked.

Well, yeah. I keep having it, you see. I dream the same dream.

That’s a recurring dream, I told him .

Oh, he said. He repeated the word. Re-cu-r-ring.

So what’s the dream about? What do I do in it? I asked.

Nothing, he said. You were just standing there, and it was dark and I really couldn’t see your face. Then it starts to get light, but before I could see you, I would always wake up.

I didn’t know what to say.

What do you think it means? He asked.

It could mean a lot of things, I said. A lot of different things.

I do know, however, I said, looking at him, You won’t have that dream tonight.

How do you know? He asked.

I grinned. I’m here with you right now, aren’t I?

╚
I think I have to go, he mumbled.

So soon? I asked. I checked my watch.
Oh. It is getting late. Sun’s almost down.

It’s because you were late. He said. That should teach you a lesson next time.

I laughed. Yes, it did.

It was nice meeting you, he said.

I knelt down, hoping to hug him.

He held out his hand.

I nodded, settling instead for the handshake. You seem like a great kid.

He looked down at his shoes.

They were blue.

He started to walk away.

A few steps.

Then he looked back.

Dad? He called out.

I wanted to jump. Scream. Laugh. Shout.

Yes? I calmly asked.

He smiled at me. You won’t be late next week, right? I mean, if you want to come again.

I’d love to! Of course! And hey, I’ll bring some of my Xmen stuff over, okay?

Cool! He yelled, running. I’ll bring Zapster.

Pause.

He called me Dad.

Pause.

Cool.

╝



CHILDREN OF THE ATOM

IN MEMORY OF
15iv03.

....it was the hardest thing i had to accept...that i couldn't have HIM... i so wanted YOU. know that. even if you weren't born, you're still mine...